Spam dissection – Episode 002

Welcome to Spam and SEO dissection episode 2!

Welcome once again to Spam dissection epsiode #2. Where we deal with scammer and spammers. All of them going out of their way to get their website promoted in all of the wrong ways instead of legitimately coming at a blogger like a reasonable human being. From scammers to spammers this is the section of our site where we let them have a voice and answer their questions without giving them the credit they think they deserve by embedding links to their websites.

Disclaimer:

We just want to say that every real message we get on our contact forums and in no way would we openly mock messages in the public light. Many of the e-mails I will be presenting to you are blatant spam and chances are many other sites have received the same message. If you are a spammer which is somehow easily offended (does that even exist?) then you may want to stop reading right now. This article is a rant/vent article and should not be taken seriously. Read the FAQ if this is your first time on this site and you have further questions about the function of this site.

Comment form #1

From: Marshall (A.K.A. Biddle18602(at)yahoo(dot)com
Title: direct comment to article – Original XBox Debug Console – It lives again!

Original Message:

Great article Kevan! I work for a small company that has a very scattered social media approach and we fall into Intriguing Metric #4 (Low traffic, Low conversion). We mainly repost great articles from around the web that relate to our areas of focus; however, when we share our own blog pots we get little interaction. Any suggestions on how to move into one of the other metric categories? Thanks!

Dissection:

Okay, despite the fact that he thinks I’m a total thieving scumbag. What this asshole is talking about isn’t necessarily #4 metric such as position but really the four categories of website metrics:

  • Consumption – People looking at your data.
  • Sharing – People sharing the data.
  • Lead Generation – The publisher giving enough of a shit to host ads in exchange for data that people consume and share.
  • Sales – Legitimate money made off of ads.

In other words. He doesn’t want to do the work of steps 1-2-3 and just get the money! Lets begin the savagery.

Great article Kevan!

*looks around* Kevan! Did we hire an intern?

I work for a small company that has a very scattered social media approach and we fall into Intriguing Metric #4 (Low traffic, Low conversion).

Don’t want to say the companies name huh? Well, that’s you’re first problem right there!

We mainly repost great articles from around the web that relate to our areas of focus;

Re-post = stealing. What’s the difference really? Actually creating your own unique content is just too much hard work for a small company who’s bankrupt on original thought isn’t it?

however, when we share our own blog pots we get little interaction.

As it should for stealing other peoples articles.

Any suggestions on how to move into one of the other metric categories? Thanks!

Attach DHTML christmas themed mouse pointers and snowflakes on your site year round. Yellow text on a pink background is the shit. Don’t forget banners every paragraph about how sexy singles and merging together to form the megazord. Everyone loves those. In other words, your key to success is Angelfire the living shit out of your site! Everyone loves a good midi song too. It can play on anything. Trust me on this bro, I got your back.

Comment Form #2

From: Deanna Brady (a.k.a – ijfcnwllwo(at)yiemys(dot)com)
Title: direct comment to article – Bad Capacitor – Thanks CapXon Caps and Samsung

Original Message:

Hello my name is Deanna Brady and I just wanted to drop you a quick message here instead of calling you. I discovered your Bad Capacitor – Thanks CapXon Caps and Samsung – S-Config page and noticed you could have a lot more traffic. I have found that the key to running a popular website is making sure the visitors you are getting are interested in your website topic. There is a company that you can get keyword targeted visitors from and they let you try the service for free for 7 days. I managed to get over 300 targeted visitors to day to my website – (insert shortlink to garbage site here.

Dissection:

Hello my name is Deanna Brady and I just wanted to drop you a quick message here instead of calling you.

It’s alright because calling us would be next to impossible considering this site has no published business phone. But please continue.

I discovered your Bad Capacitor – Thanks CapXon Caps and Samsung – S-Config page and noticed you could have a lot more traffic.

You know those mail merge documents where you simply add the word <TITLE> to a sentence? Yeah Deanna, you’re sounding like one of those. And who said I want to make more traffic? You shouldn’t assume because if makes an “ass” out of “u” to”me”.

I have found that the key to running a popular website is making sure the visitors you are getting are interested in your website topic.

Is the key made of gold? Did you find it next to the holy plates and the tree of life? Was it in a south african princes account? And Deanna, you never said you were a SEO wizzard. What else have you been hiding from us. Go on!

There is a company that you can get keyword targeted visitors from and they let you try the service for free for 7 days. I managed to get over 300 targeted visitors to day to my website

WHOA! 300 visitors? Hold the phone that doesn’t exist! Deanna is a website bad-ass ladies and gentlemen! Everyone better watch out for her mad skills in getting the same amount of people a website with 2-3 help articles get. Good job bro-ette!”

We know that both of these messages are realistically generated to promote whatever crappy knock off shoe company or pharma corp that is out there. But it’s more fun tearing these apart.

Anyhow. Hope it was fun for you. That’s what server said:

END OF LINE+++

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