Letters of Gargamel Gibson.
This is a e-mail that was sent into a gaming radio station years ago. I transcribed it and wanted to share it with all for posterity sake. The user goes by the name of “Gargamel Gibson” and he has the following to say below:
For some, the continued accumulation of life experience breeds suspicion and quashes excitement; rendering most advertisements ineffective. For one as aged as myself the reverse is true. During the age of television, I read every billboard, memorized every jingle and eagerly awaited every new commercial.
Though I don’t recall most of them; one particularly effective commercial for a local retailer began with a wide shot of the interior of the warehouse half filled with the kind of fecal lasagna. Folded cardboard boxes segmented by mounds of excrement. Throughout the commercial no audio played save for the low sound of a crackling fire. An address suddenly faded into view accompanied by the image of a fur-covered man grinning from ear to ear. The man began to inflate, then burst, and then faded away to an enormous cardboard sign reading “FUCK ABE SHIT!!” The commercial didn’t make much sense to me at the time its rambunctious disdain was potent and within the hour I was prepared to enter the store.
Hundreds of tiny customers skittered over the carpeted floor of the admittedly cramped corner shop. I tread as carefully as I could while approaching the counter. But I feel I may have squashed a few of them in route. Behind the counter stood a balding man with a stench of pottery about him clearly displeased. I began to Speak but before I could all flesh and clothing collapsed away from him revealing a glistening Skelton. The jaw began to move as if trying to speak. And it indeed it began to make some kind of sound repeating “WAH-WAH-WAH WAH-WAH”
Insensibly as the plague of customers overcame me and boar me swiftly to the floor; I felt the familiar irritation of my organs being devoured. A sensation which was increasing at an alarming rate. And as consciousness began to fade, my last vision was of a sign upon the wall assuring me that only here that I could find what were truly lowest of prices.
End of line.